Understanding Anger: What It Is, How It Affects Us, and Why It Deserves Our Attention

lindsay Metternich
Aug 1
3 min read

Updated: Aug 4

Anger is one of the most powerful emotions we experience—and one of the least understood. When we hear the word “anger,” many of us picture raised voices, slammed doors, or heated arguments. But anger isn’t always loud. Sometimes, it simmers in silence. It shows up as a clenched jaw, a quiet withdrawal, a sarcastic remark, or a tension we carry in our bodies without ever speaking a word.

Yet whether it’s loud or quiet, explosive or restrained, anger affects all of us—and everyone around us.

What Is Anger, Really?

At its core, anger is a protective emotion. It often rises when we feel threatened, hurt, unheard, disrespected, or powerless. It’s our brain’s way of saying, “Something is not right. Pay attention.” In that way, anger is not inherently bad. It’s a signal—one that can point us toward unmet needs, personal boundaries, or unresolved pain.

But problems arise when we don’t know how to recognize or express our anger in healthy ways. Too often, we suppress it until it explodes or let it simmer until it sours our relationships, health, and sense of peace.

How Anger Affects You—and Those Around You

Unprocessed anger can have real consequences, emotionally, physically, and relationally.

Here’s how it can impact our lives:

Emotionally: Anger can mask more vulnerable feelings like sadness, grief, guilt, or fear. Over time, if we only allow ourselves to feel and express anger—but not the softer emotions underneath—it can become our default response to discomfort.
Physically: Chronic anger has been linked to higher levels of stress hormones, which can contribute to headaches, digestive issues, high blood pressure, heart problems, and sleep disturbances.
Relationally: Unchecked anger can push others away. Whether it comes out as yelling, sarcasm, withdrawal, or passive-aggression, anger can damage trust and communication with those we care about most.

Why Most People Don’t Understand Anger

Many of us weren’t taught what to do with anger. Maybe we grew up in homes where anger was either feared or normalized as rage. Maybe we learned to bottle it up to keep the peace. Or maybe we were told that anger made us “difficult,” “dramatic,” or “disrespectful.”

Because of these early experiences, we may now:

Struggle to recognize when we’re angry
Feel ashamed of our anger
Explode after we’ve held it in for too long
Project our anger onto others who don’t deserve it

This confusion leaves many people feeling out of control, guilty, or misunderstood—and it creates a cycle where the real message behind the anger never gets addressed.

Anger as a Reflection of Past Hurt

One of the most powerful truths about anger is this: it’s often a reflection of something deeper.

A broken boundary.

An old wound.

A moment when you felt powerless and never got the chance to speak up.

In these moments, anger becomes the bodyguard for our most vulnerable emotions. It’s easier to say, “I’m mad,” than “I feel hurt,” or “I feel forgotten.”

When we take the time to look beneath our anger, we often find stories from our past that still need compassion and healing.

Why It’s Important to Recognize and Regulate Our Anger

Learning to understand and manage our anger isn’t about “being less angry.” It’s about being more connected—to ourselves, our bodies, our needs, and our relationships.

When we recognize our anger early, we give ourselves a chance to: